ifonlyiwereclvr

Re: Everyone

actingilike@yahoo.com — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 23:04:26 GMT

We've come a long long way together

Through the hard times and the good

I have to celebrate you baby

I have to praise you like I should...

Iluvcemitaries too

actingilike@yahoo.com — Sun, 19 Mar 2006 05:45:45 GMT

I wonder, on a reasonably regular basis, what has become of my past. A few months short of a year ago a dear, if in the headlights, friend of mine passed on. The event has since stalled me on every occasion it stalls me even know. I push through determined to overcome, it hard to maintain interest in a topic so destructive. Since his death i have found my tears only once, this is due to a very strong desire to repress his death on a very concious level. "Anesticize!!" Screams the fear in my head but plowwing through seems inevitable at this juncture. I havn't really thought of the indepth reprecussions it has had on my thought process. I've given up, not in the traditional sense. I don't think my world is over and i need to end it, at least not directly. I don't believe in mans capacity to love anymore (bear with me this isn't actually about love). What as a species are we doing? We exist in a metaphysical limbo, not here or there. If someone can grasp, and i mean GRASP, the truths of love then how can they harm, how can they hurt? Love in its core is PAIN, more pain than anything ever before, your whole existance is wrought. Some people run away because it's SO much, some people revel in it. is that the answer does it mean that just as people revel in love they revel in hate. I can't honestly say i've ever revelled in hate, i could never devote enough energy into the prospect of hating someone no matter how hard i tried...and at times i tried REALLY hard. as i write this it makes me want to be furious, furious at those who takes lives, accident or not a life is a life. Furious at those who sympathyise with anyone who kills, furious at my self in turn. But then i think what? i've been thinking and writing these thoughts for so many years that to see them fizzle and fade as the world rages in an all encompassing inferno is to say the least maddening. But i have no anger only internal torment that i havn't done my part **{fuck carbon footprints}**. And everyone elses part seems to be so much more accomplished though i know they aren't but the green is greener on the other side. I miss nate. Nate was my mutual friend with Dani when we were inseparable, May 30th was his death day and he was only a few years older than me. it makes me sad to think of him, i met his dad once, he said that he'd drowned..sad. This all seems kinda pointless sometimes. But hey we'll all be ok..right?...right....right..

ALL i wanna do is dance

actingilike@yahoo.com — Mon, 12 Dec 2005 05:06:53 GMT

Imagine a world devoid of human existance.
That would be nice.
Then i wouldn't be here.

(but with my luck i'd still be willed into existance; one fucked up depressed martian)

Marching forward hypocritic and hypnotic computers

actingilike@yahoo.com — Sun, 11 Dec 2005 10:50:12 GMT

Just take a moment out of your busy humdrum life to truly and fully realise just how conformist we all are, some more than others, but we're all drones.
To all us sheep; rock on.
To all those deluded; grow up.

like it or not

actingilike@yahoo.com — Fri, 09 Dec 2005 04:44:57 GMT

there are momemnts in time when i am left to wonder what it is exactly that i am doing. i am constantly shifting perspectives and opinions that time like this i am left confundled not able to decern wht is up from what is down. still i must persevere, i know thta my time is short, waneing set to dissapate any second. surrounded by the souls that i am i cannot concieve any kind of resolution.

happy to see you have a nice day

actingilike@yahoo.com — Tue, 23 Aug 2005 23:19:06 GMT

certain events have transpired in my life causing me to rexamine certain descisions i had once thought solid. first and foremost, the death of a close friend, Justin by name, doctor by trade. Now the thing about Justin and melodie that set them apart from my other friends was their elitist mentality towards everyone else, almost as if they were above the meger remarks of us mere mortals. Both flat out refused to accept the advice their closest friends so freely dispersed. They regarded the remarks as an attempt to foce their hand out of their self destructive behavior, which it was from some aspects, however this defense mechanism enabled them to justify distancing themselves from the near and dear closing the gap to dissosiative drug induced demtia driven by an aspiration to be at the top of a game rigged so no one could ever win. I attempted on several occations to convince them that their coniving ways were not going unnoticed and and had garnered even concern that i recinded my natural stocism and activeky interjected to address these concerns, i spents literally over 72 straights hours discussing recurring themes in their actions on several occations, unfortunately all my good was for naught. The conversations we shared were met with disapproval and a snide suspicion as they searched for a hidden agenda to disprove the facts i presented rather than face the ever impending catostrophic collision course that was evident to everyone except them. I knew justin didn't have the slightest grasp of how truly intelligent and aware i always am, this ofcourse stems from his inheirant overzealous idealised perception of his own intelligence level. since my youth i have always refused to engage anyone in a mental pissing contest, i consider it not only demeaning but also an affront to what my friendships represent which among many things includes and is at times driven by a unilateral equality, not only do i flatly refuse to associate with elitist minded people, i genuinly consider them to be among the most close minded creatures on the planet, which is a statement not to be taken as a factual jusdgement, simply my opinion. I could see in each of their eyes a premedicated perception that not only was i of a lower intelligence comparitivly i was also lieing when i precursored all i said with "all this is coming from a place of love" given that this statement was the only agenda their attempts to dig deeper and locate the hidden agenda was so futile that inevitably they created reasons to harbor an unhealthy disdain for me since i was not only the fore runner of a seeming barrage of friends "attacking" their way of life, i was also the one who spent the most time and diminshed guided tact; they created ammuition out of nothingness. Then to add insult to injury in what can only be viewed as a rebuttal to all our concernes they rejected their karmatic partially forced rehabilitation and found a continuance of their lifestyles as a spiteful responce to the aid we the friends attempted to instill. Unfortuantely certain upheavals broke through in my own life causing my primary attention to shift back to my life and essentially deffering any patience i had for the actualisation of both justin and melodie to dwindle, and the fact that i unbeknownst to them was fully aware of their underlying mistrust of me didn't assist in a speedy return. Not to say that i intentionally delayed my reappearance in their happenings, quite the contrary i kept secret tabs on their progress in the event that some crisis arose i would still be up to date and able to assist as ably as possible. My life was spiralling into oblivion which appreantlly a constant if i take my eyes off it for even a second so i am trying to maintain a steady active involvment in all instances it encounters. Now i wish that i could say that when dave and chathen told me that things were improving on the j&m front i immediatly believed it. one of the most prevalent and important parts of my life is a maintained healthy skeptisism that to fully work bleeds right down to the core of my being. I was hopeful that their situation would improve, i wished for their depression to fade and for the good times to dawn on their days, i pleaded with the powers that be to cut the both of them some slack. but i knew better. i knew the both of them entirely too well, well enough to know that they were hiding a plethora of activites from select friends so as to not arouse any suspicion, and unfortuantely i could see the secrets become their destructive undoing, but with every fiber of energy i had i wanted nothing more than in this one instance that my prediction was innacurate, unfounded, nonsense, and generally bullshit, a want that was shattered by a fateful phone call. Dramatically halting all thoughts in my mind focusing all attention on the first singulary mind-numbingly acidic and all encompassing i was presented with the fact that a dear close self proclaimed doctor and genius had suffered a tragic unfair untimely and abrupt demise in a car accident over the phone by dave as he landed in virginia and for a rare five eternal cycles of the big hand my mind repeatedly failed to gather the correct sequence of words that would adequately define the chasmous emptiness that infected my soul catylised by the acceptance and copeing of a life i considered atuned akin and aligned with my own, a fixture i considered permanent enough that the possibility of being faced with it's end was a far off and distant priority several years in the making. so i did the only thing i could, sensitive to the trauma of daves knowledge and resiliance in being the bearer of the worst possible news i began to acquiesce general information on the eggshelled mine field of territory i had literally spent a mere day, less than 24 hours mapping this unfarmiliar and tabooed social pariah of a topic. I started with when, moved to how, asked if melodie was ok, and ended the conversation as uninterruptable as it began. i follwed the news with a mental shoved an attempted unburdening though delegating the task of all analysis to the illprepared frantically formulating an adequate response to an unsuspecting subconcious, even the distraction of an inane plotless hollywood flopbuster reprise of "thunderbirds" was flailing to occupy my thoughts hurting to subdue the creeping onset of seeping cognative incapacitation forced into leaked nuggets of misinformed speculations nonsense spewing into a incoherant thought that was almost alien to my thoughts. so i did the one thing i knew would assist in a directionless sensile painfully unhinged solution, testing my life paradigm of "things happen the way they happen because the couldn't happen any other way so acceptance is the only key" however i was superimposing the theorm on an untested thread woven and forged weak and unresolved situational processing that at best was unsafe and at worst a portal into a spiraling depression from which recovery was a far off imposibility unattainably vast and unfathomly distructive, i shined my boots accompanied by my cd that provided no solace subsequently removed, shining twice for justin. however instead of assisting in deliverance i obsessivly reiterated the thought that quickly became the sole truth contained in my infantile understanding of the infinite universe, forcing an understand of how insignificant one life ending truly was. My reality was crumbling before my eyes and the world was unphased moving along it's merry way unhindered by a death that shook testingly teasing the unassesed coping skill of the single most undesirable transendance. I immediatly began to displace the creeping doubt and depression with acceptance and vindication stemming from death dealt in a conveniant managable 30 minute space alloted for grief and a secure solid finality to the understanding i molded into existance tempered in a fire fanned by a desire to be there for melodie as no one was there for me when i needed them most. Not that i hold any ill will towards the plate left empty and desolate poster childing for a cued tumbleweed stampede, no ill will for weeks of perpetual starvation i embrace them for the gross incompetance displayed by the evident support that gave way too quick disabling any chance of catching my fall, i survived through sheer will and i'm better for it. My psyche laid to ruin far too many times over permanently and substatially altering my entire state of BEING; when the word home becomes a cumulative slide show of remembered security and a comfort unintentionally taken for granted, things are 56,000 feet below ground and sinking fast. However this became the medium for the most daring breakout of precognative psychosis *since the caveman lovingly refered to as Ugh decided that smoothing out the edges of a sqaure makes the application of the now called wheel more effective and a lot less bumby...thus was founded the town of Bedrock, a place right out of history. *Umm Let Call It A Major Brain Fart and save the details for the deaf mutes...Terminally ill deaf mutes. But i digress, Standing in the bathroom of my basement boots in hand, polished twice, i looked deep into my own seemingly hollow eyes and found peace cringing fearful of the doubts circling their prey, it was truth a pure spring that said, you can't mourn he's gone and thats all there is accept immediatly the depth of effect this has on you, contain it with the knowledge that things always lead to a potential untapped discovery all that is needed is an open mind processing all the most reasonable scenarios decide on the most probable and you learn 612 new things you never knew you could know, also i had to be there for the primary victim and i would the first if not the only one to ask the hard questions assisting in a stable safe recovery. Now well underway she's getting better everyday, though she finds less things that comfort her heavy heart, and this is just the beginning, regardless i'll be all that i can without crossing boundaries that for the time being hold no intrest to me. That being said i will now speak the unspeakable and talk openly on the subject of romanticism and me. I currently do not know whether or not melodie is available, not just for the soul searching still uncharted but also because i don't know how to correctly exact anything and avoid the drama and talk that will arise, Justin is dead there can be no changing that however his ghost hovers around disapproving of any action her and i may take; how do you make someone dead understand that everyone is still alive? I suffer dilemas galore pertaining to the death of justin, i have yet to conciously delve into the subconcious processing unsure of where it currently stands in they way of completion, also for myself i must remain steadfast in my beliefs because this and losing my parent and brothers stand as the hurdles between me and the finish line. I am a person who has chosen to live hard not fast yet i have seen more sadness than some have seen in an entire life, still i can will and am always smiling. And the smile is for me and you...i love you and that always comes first.

yep

actingilike@yahoo.com — Mon, 16 May 2005 04:07:10 GMT

Indeed if only i were clever...

You scored as Existentialist. Existentialism emphasizes human capability. There is no greater power interfering with life and thus it is up to us to make things happen. Sometimes considered a negative and depressing world view, your optimism towards human accomplishment is immense. Man is condemned to be free and must accept the responsibility.

</td>

Existentialist

100%

Postmodernist

100%

Idealist

100%

Fundamentalist

100%

Cultural Creative

100%

Materialist

94%

Romanticist

94%

Modernist

69%

What is Your World View?
created with QuizFarm.com

Now for something only slightly different

actingilike@yahoo.com — Wed, 16 Feb 2005 09:29:31 GMT

I am now on the cusp of a revolution, I salivate at the prospects I see before me. I know the magnitude of my plan. I see it towering over me like a mountain stretching so far into the heavens it’s peak stands hidden, blanketed by clouds; yet I shall not stop. These are the only mountains worth climbing. I know that to some the revolution I see myself creating may seem impossible, I know that to some the plan I have seems destined to fail; they see me as another statistic falling through the cracks. A single number occupies my mind. One. Their disbelief is my righteous fuel. All negative will be positive, and all positive will be double plus.
Some however have a different worry. Some see me achieving my plan and losing myself. I cannot change for the worse. I haven’t the propensity. I cannot find the Hyde formula, nor the desire. I have spent countless hours creating the persona now inhabiting my being. At it’s core is a motor, an untouchable engine infinitely producing love. This core will always live, and no layer will ever fully contain it’s limitless light. That is who I truly am, that is all I can be.
With the first stage of my plan well underway, I must begin preparations for the next evolution. I must re-immerse myself in knowledge of all kinds. I must start reading again, at the very least two books a week, and one must be education on a topic I know nothing or little about. I will once again strengthen my information network. I will learn a word a week and retain it’s meaning, using it once a month for a year. I will reconnect with the world, reading the newspaper daily and learning about the stock market. All this in preparation for school, once I have reconnected with the world, I will finally be more secure with a classroom environment, and express myself fully; thereby enjoying the class and wanting to go.
A healthy body and a healthy mind, those are the first steps. I will force myself to wake up after 8 hours of sleep and begin regulation of my sleep schedule, also implementation of a regulated workout regiment is to begin immediately. After the end of February I will drastically cut down on “partying”. On the first day of march is when I begin coming down hard on myself, no slack will be given for the duration of the plan. Once I have reached the goals I have set for myself only then can I stop, take forever to live it out and enjoy my personal success. Till then I must be strict on myself.
I have the ability to achieve the highest grades and learn the most in every class I attend, I have done it before. By achieving the highest possible grades I will fulfill my parents requests and have them off my back. By learning the most in every class I will fulfill my desires and be that much closer to achieving my goals. I will not make mistakes, there is no reason why I should. Through properly managing my time, and assuring the retention of all required knowledge I can assure a perfect score each and every time. Application of my skills is all that is required. I have been the best before and I will be the best again.
In the time between when I start my degree and finish it I will start working on my books. I have three years in which to finish the first draft of all four stories, and start work on my autobiography. Each must be at the very least 300 pages long. The thought is overwhelming, but the challenge of creating a story, one begging to surge to words from the depths of my mind, is enough to fuel the creation. I have the talent of a writer, I have devastating tales waiting to be told. Stories that change life, I will share them with the world.
I will not falter on my plan, I plan on changing the world and that is no easy task. I cannot allow myself to fall into the chasms that occupied my mind in the past. My path is straight and clear, all I need do is follow the clearly marked dotted line. I cannot allow the space between the lines to let my mind to drift, my body will follow and that is unacceptable. In the times where I cannot see the line I will create my own, it will be straight and connect to the next. After a year of doing this my lines will join and I will finally be able to look straight and see a whole line. I will not fall, I will not falter, I will be great.

Future (amended)

actingilike@yahoo.com — Wed, 16 Feb 2005 08:08:26 GMT

I never really understood why I’ve become “Abdul”? I’ve started thinking more and more about my past and the way I was; I used to be unpopular, I used to be the pariah, I had no friends. I think part of it was because I was funny; people wanted to like me, and when you’re young you loathe the people you’re supposed to like, you ostracize them. You’re always cruelest when you’re young. The persona I created has turned me into a pseudo god, people look to me for most anything that crosses their mind. Even at times when I can’t seem to help myself, I help my friends, and ultimately when push comes to shove I do enjoy being able to help.
With the disappearance of my emotions for Isobel and Emily I believe that I’m finally able to overcome all my adversities. My life seems hell bent on throwing shit storms my way, it must be giving me the strength to finally declare my all encompassing independence. I’m leaving, I know I am, it’s the only thing I want. I’m going to make and save money by hook or by crook, I’m going to get a car, I’m going to finish my degree as quickly as possible; I think three years is a modest time frame. Whether or not I decide to go back to Old Dominion and re-establish the family, or stay here and stay at home without worry of money is something that is yet to be seen. Also, I have the option of moving in with Kelly and Brian, I really do like the idea, however I will need a car first.
When I went down to Norfolk I was relieved to see the connection was still there. I was worried on my first night, but we were all highly inebriated. I passed out in Brendan’s room and things were gradually normalizing. When Brendan and I woke up we went to try and get me gas for the drive home, I ended up accidentally getting all my stuff back from Biggie. I got the gas money by raiding Nick and Brendan’s rooms for change, and giving Kelly and Jon a Tinee Giant run. When Nick got back from the farm we went on a car ride, the atmosphere was almost alright. It wasn’t until I dropped them off at the Hurst and Nick went up to get my phone that I became sure that things were ok. Nick brought my phone back and we talked for a bit, it was really nice because it wasn’t awkward, it was like the old days and I felt vindicated.
As wondrous as it was to rediscover a connection with my brothers, it complicates things. Norfolk is a place that has a very strong impact on the way I feel. When I was depressed there the depression ran as deep as it ever has, but I remember being at least moderately happy for some of the time I spent there. I think part of the fascination I have with Norfolk stems from that, the knowledge that even for a while that place made me happy.
I’m planning on going back for one more year, to see if I can tap into the happiness I wielded there. Whether or not I go down to Old Dominion over the fall and into next spring is yet to be seen. However once I reacquire that happy feeling I will come back here and move in with Kelly and Brian, as long as it is still a valid option. If not I will stay home and finish my degree in Music Composition with a minor in Music Theory.
Once I finish my degree I’m moving to either New York or Los Angeles, and with the money I save up from work and Indiana I will get a place, find a job, record and market a cd, and play as many gigs as I can get. That represents the ideal life I want to lead, I will have fulfilled all my life goals. I’ll have a degree in a field that I chose, one I equate to serenity, and that degree will help facilitate my life long desire to create music. I will do it and gain recognition and fame for the music I make, then once I have conquered the music industry I will once again act and spur beautiful performances, and once I have conquered the screen I will write my autobiography and stories.
The time has come for me to take my life and guide it into the direction I choose. For the past few years I have allowed my life to drift aimlessly, not to say that I regret any of it, I have learned lessons that some people spend a lifetime never learning. I attended several colleges, I was the lead singer of five bands, I fell madly in love with several people, I had my heart broken medically and emotionally too many times, I got the lead to a play, I was homeless, I lost everything I held dear in three days, I lost one family and created another.
Yet all the shit I faced, has now somehow been replaced with the beauty I saw, my selfless idealism has begun to creep back into my persona, it was such an important part of me and it’s temporary hiatus was a bit distressing. I can say that it is returning and it makes me happy, it will be the engine that drives my life plan. I cannot allow myself to falter in the execution of my plan, I must remember that it is the perfect life plan, it will achieve all the goals necessary to fully actualize my independence. I will allow that knowledge to act as a plow to push through the shit. I will allow that knowledge to act as a sword and shield to fend off anything attempting to stop, slow me down, or get in my way. I will not be stopped.
Having realized that my selfless idealism has returned, I can utilize it, allowing it to wash over me and enable a reconnect with the kindness that I feel I’ve lost. I will be nicer to the people I feel I’ve neglected, Nick, Brendan, Tim, Clarissa, Abdul Hadi, Mom, Ziad, Dad, Karen, Dave, Kelly and whoever else pops up.
Finally I feel, after the debacles my past few relationships had created, I am ready to once again pursue a relationship. That being said, I suffer in caution. With the exception of Kasia, no one I have recently run into fills the near overwhelming criteria for “dating material”. I need to find someone appropriate for me. I will begin searching for my ideal mate, I have the knowledge, I know what I want. I will search for the person I know I can spend my life with, and woo them. I have wooed the un-woo-able before, no one can stop me. I will find the one I want to spend my life with, and spend it at least happy in love.
I will control my life, I will force the shit storm into one of cherry blossoms. The crazy things that happen in my life will from now on serve only to aid me. Nothing is allowed to bring me down. Once the blossoms parade around me no shit will ever resurface. My life will be a good one from now on. I will make my life do good by me.
Once again, I must emphasize the importance of the fact that I will reconnect, but will not falter. I will find my love and complete my life goals. The people I care about will know I care, and I will not fall into any drama. I will fulfill my goals, I will not falter, I will not be stopped. I will be great.

Future

actingilike@yahoo.com — Fri, 11 Feb 2005 10:04:02 GMT

I never really understood why I’ve become “Abdul”? I’ve started thinking more and more about my past and the way I was, I used to be unpopular, I used to be the pariah, I had no friends. I think part of it was because I was funny; people wanted to like me, and when you’re young you loathe the people you’re supposed to like and ostracize them, you’re cruelest when you’re young. The persona I created has turned me into a pseudo god, people look to me for most anything that crosses their mind, maybe that is why I hold some friends higher than others, they don’t ask as much of me.
With the disappearance of my emotions for Isobel and Emily I believe that I’m finally able to overcome all my adversities, my life seems hell bent on throwing shit storms my way, maybe it’s trying to give me the strength to finally declare my all encompassing independence. I’m leaving, I know I am, it’s the only thing I want. I’m going to make and save money by hook or by crook, I’m going to get a car, I’m going to finish my degree as quickly as possible; I think three years is a modest time frame. Depending on whether or not I decide to go back to Old Dominion and re-establish the family or stay here and stay at home without worry of money. An option I also have is to move in with Kelly and Brian, I like the idea however I will need a car first.
When I went down to Norfolk I was relieved to see the connection was still there. I was worried on my first night, but we were all highly inebriated. I passed out in Brendan’s room and things were gradually normalizing. When Brendan and I woke up we went to try and get me gas for the drive home, ended up accidentally getting all my stuff back from Biggie. I got money by raiding Nick and Brendan’s rooms for change and getting Kelly and Jon a Tinee Giant run. By the time Nick got back from the farm on Sunday we went on a car ride, I had left my phone in Nicks room but the atmosphere was almost alright. It wasn’t until I dropped them off at the Hurst and Nick came back alone with my phone that I became sure that things were ok because we talked and it wasn’t awkward, it was like the old days and I felt vindicated.
As wondrous as it was to rediscover a connection with my brothers it complicates things. The thing about Norfolk is that when I was depressed there the depression ran as deep as it ever has, but I remember being at least moderately happy for some of the time I spent there; I think that is the fascination I have with Norfolk stems from that, and I’m going back for one more year, to see if I can tap into the happiness I wielded there. Then once I get it I will come back here and move in with Kelly and Brian, as long as it is still a valid option. If not I will stay home and finish my degree in Music Composition with a minor in Music Theory.
Once I finish my degree I’m moving to either New York or Los Angeles, and with the money I save up from work and Indiana I will get a place, find a job, record and market a cd, play as many gigs as I can get. That represents the ideal life I want to lead, I will have fulfilled all my life goals. I’ll have a degree in a field that I chose, one I equate to serenity, and that degree will help facilitate my life long desire to create music. I will do it and gain recognition and fame for the music I make, then once I have conquered the music industry I will once again act and spur beautiful performances, and once I have conquered the screen I will write my autobiography and stories.
The time has come for me to take my life and guide it into the direction I choose. For the past few years I have allowed my life to drift aimlessly, not to say that I regret any of it, I have learned lessons that some people spend a lifetime never learning. I attended several colleges, I was the lead singer of five bands, I fell madly in love with several people, I had my heart broken medically and emotionally too many times, I got the lead to a play, I was homeless, I lost everything I held dear in three days, I lost one family and created another.
Yet all the shit I faced, has now somehow been replaced with the beauty I saw, my selfless idealism has begun to creep back into my persona, it was such an important part of me and it’s temporary hiatus was a bit distressing. I can say that it is returning and it makes me happy, it will be the engine that drives my life plan. I cannot allow myself to falter in the execution of my plan, I must remember that it is the perfect life plan, it will achieve all the goals necessary to fully actualize my independence. I will allow that knowledge to act as a plow to push through the shit. I will allow that knowledge to act as a sword and shield to fend off anything attempting to stop, slow me down, or get in my way. I will not be stopped.
Having realized that my selfless idealism has returned, I can utilize it, allowing it to wash over me and enable a reconnect with the kindness that I feel I’ve lost. I will be nicer to the people I feel I’ve neglected, Nick, Brendan, Tim, Clarissa, Abdul Hadi, Mom, Dad, Karen, Dave, Kelly and whoever else pops up.
Finally I feel, after the debacles my past few relationships had created, I am ready to once again pursue a relationship. That being said, I suffer in caution. With the exception of Kasia, no one I have recently run into fills the near overwhelming criteria for “dating material”. I need to find someone appropriate for me. I will begin searching for my ideal mate, I have the knowledge, I know what I want. I will search for the person I know I can spend my life with, and woo them. I have wooed the un-woo-able before, no one can stop me. I will find the one I want to spend my life with, and spend it at least happy in love.
Once again, I must emphasize the importance of the fact that I will reconnect, but will not falter. I will find my love and complete my life goals. The people I care about will know I care, and I will not fall into any drama. I will fulfill my goals, I will not falter, I will not be stopped. I will be great.